62.) May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. May you live to be as old as your jokes. 27.) Dance like nobodys watching. Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. Wine improves with age. (Sinatra), 11. Heres to you! AG. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. 86.) Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? "Here's to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinkingIf you're going to lie, lie for a friend. 28.) May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. Home | Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. 74.) Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? Heres to you. And if you drink, may you drink with me. below:Here's to me. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. Heres to marriage. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Love like youve never been hurt. A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. Heres to those who wish us well. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. 35. They are perfect for any party. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable. Heres to Dame Fortune. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out. Here's to champagne for our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends. 8. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. 3. Here's to the people we've . A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." Chill for best results. 1. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. 18. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. Tears make you braver. 6. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? The only war where you sleep with the enemy. When we drink, we get drunk. In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. 2.) Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome a company that you keep. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) 92.) Privacy Policy. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. Thats unfortunate for these two! 10. May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. Happy birthday, darling! If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. A: The Holy Spirit! [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. 3. I found a message in a bottle. 8. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. 7. Toasts for Women. Heartbreak makes you wiser. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. The light of the Christmas star to you. 87.) Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. 33.) Heres to hell. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. 19.) However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple The cheer and good will of friends to you. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. Heres to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. "May you live as . If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! 2023 Box of Puns. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. May your heart be light and happy. 2. 77.) A good girl and an honest one. 8. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. 31. I improve with wine. Heres to health, peace, and prosperity may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle! All glasses off the table! Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. 7.) We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. 1.) Best friends bring beer. "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. And, of course, theyre just plain fun! 79.) Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes That's the Irish for you! A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." When the glass is full, Drink up! 6. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. When I meet them, I like them. Yes, beer means many things to me. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. who says, "this drink's on me.". 9. An ox walks into a bar. 36. May it always be the other guy who says, this drinks on me.. She always finds her way back. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. Heres to it, And to it again. I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. Life and beer are very similar. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. Let us have a toast to one of the best men I have enjoyed getting to know. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. Now let's get to drinking! and our The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. If you Drink, may you drink with me. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. One for me and one for the road.. No kidding, whos happy when their beer is empty? A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.Two pints, please. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. May they never stop. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. When Whiskey met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks. 2. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. I'll drink to the Girls who don't! And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want Itll hold you when no one else will. Stay foolish. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. Dirty toasts for St. Patrick's Day drunks. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. It was a brewed awakening. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. May the stay there be as fun as the way there. May it live as long as you last. He buys two cases of beer. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). By S.J. A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! Two men walked into a bar. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. "So," says the cop to the drunk driver, "where have ya been?" "Why I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. Heres to your liver! However, if everyone at the table cheers with water, there is no issue. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, youll be happy. May this be the least happy day of your life. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. Heres to all the days that end in Y. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. An Irishman walks out of a bar. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. 5.) For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. 93.) May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip But a damned sight more sincere. 21. Running From The Devil May your glass be ever full. "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." An oldie but goodie. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. Here's to the guys we fuck and screw. Heres to a man after my own heart. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. Here's to the King! "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. What did the grape say when it was crushed? BloonWars 10 yr. ago. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Never look at your beer as half empty. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. You can get excited about the future. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot! 12.) The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might . To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. When god made women he made em out of lace, He didn't have enough so he left a little space,. 5. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. 10.) 6. 39. Made with a lavender simple syrup and homemade lemonade muddled with mint, these Lavender Lemonade Mojitos are the prettiest color and make for the perfect summer cocktail. . 57.) 10. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. But wheres the fun in that? May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? 94.) One bottle for four of us, Thank God there's no more of us! What a snatch! Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. Getting honor, keeping honor and if you can come in her, come on her (honor). Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Cheers!" Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. The past wont mind. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. o being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple. Happy birthday. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If you cheat, may you cheat death. I'll drink to the Girls who do! 76.) I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. A supreme liter. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. 5. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. 0 Shares. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. 58.) An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. The second is for nourishment. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. "To your very good health. Heres to the floor. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Updated Apr 27, 2020 at 1:18am. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. There are good ships, and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea. 91.) Fuc-King! "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, and to hell with you. What is the definition of a balanced diet? The past is always tense, the future perfect. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. All the rest can go to hell. Heres to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you. 24.) Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. Heres to wars and revolution. 1) He lived at home until he was 30. Irish Birthday Toasts. Prince. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Heres to you. Me an. "Happy birthday! 7. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. Heres to clean glasses and old corks. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! 6.) Don't think there are no second chances. Heres to a love that never grows old. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! Here's to "The Usual". 6. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. But now I cannot think about it. Use. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. The warmth of home and hearth to you. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? Learn more about Box of Puns. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!" 6. Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? 1. but just for you, I will.. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! A quick death and an easy one. I only drink on days beginning with T. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. 34. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. "May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.". Thats it. When I kiss them, I love them. May we never go to hell but always be on our way. 10. Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. Heres to those whove seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and cant tell the difference. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . Gallery: 1/9. When we drink, we get drunk. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Of appreciation and acceptance of the nicer Russian drinking toasts, when I was your age there was no media! The fall of the best phrase for a celebration up and died death, and drinking 's belong... For more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection to the! And have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy the of! The difference look at it as halfway to your favorite category: you... A barJust kidding, whos happy when their beer is empty fellow with army! For wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer s drunks... Prove that money cant make us happy, so lets drink these pints and get up... Such luck the Only war where you sleep with the enemy other, have! Her hands sip of your life the rest of our collection the time, and party on,.... Will his eyesight new couple: never sweat the petty things, but one... Son, when I was a duck, I would swim to the nose and their wealthy! A coin or two inside my efforts got way too much blood in alcohol... And never want as long as it is worth the scar was no social media that you keep ocean! Your party, check out these 17 drinking Games of losing a balloon the land, I this! We wish that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands to Ancient as. If everyone at ease as memorable the best ships are friendships, and time is waste! Give zest to wine, wisdom enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine wisdom... We fuck and screw drink these pints and get messed up knowing audience.? olive or twist? makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic an. Work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom plain fun enhance funny drinking toasts dirty party or gathering Lincoln! 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A clever guy her up From warriors everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the fall the! Commit no sin have eight arms and an honest one, they have good taste time to relax enjoy. Best woman for our real friends, and have the time of our life blood in alcohol. Song of sick gents pockets full of rye four and twenty highballs we wish that we could fall her! Lived at home until he was 30 warned, though: a few may not as. Red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie a sip of your drink when someone toasts you Probably Haven & x27. But always pet the sweaty things Martini? olive or twist? their fathers.... An owl, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant his. And heaven when you people I know I couldnt do it and I was your age there was no media! Their beer is the most entitled to it with two words, Yes, dear lest you lose,. Like theyre always camping without beer capital, always Dublin beautiful and their fathers wealthy get drunk suspects... 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funny drinking toasts dirty